I’m always in a state of perpetual self loathing; anti-depressants and anxiolytics in the morning, caffeine for lunch, and sleep-aids for late dinner.
Most days you go unnoticed, not even aware of yourself, but on those special days like this– that snap you from the mundane, rudimentary everyday functions of societal life; Life quiets down to the speed of conversation.
And that’s what I intend for this blog to be, the speed of conversation.
In typical comparison to my depressed and anxious counterparts across the various streams of the world, I realize that I am luckier than most.
I’m in a great major.
I have 5 lucrative job interviews this week alone,
And I play a mean game of pool.
Yet, I don’t state this out of arrogance or to inflate my ego.
I highlight this because it’s important to understand that depression and anxiety can affect anyone. The analogy I relate to is that people are a cup of water and are set at different heights. Some can take more than others.
Here is what mental health illness can look like:
I snoozed my alarm for 4 hours this morning until 1:30pm.
I just put laundry in that I’ve been meaning to do for 3 weeks.
My room is a mess and on some nights around this time, I shed a tear.
Maybe it’s for the life that I tarnished, or
The relationship I destroyed.
TBH, I don’t know what drives or motivates me anymore. My body at this point just moves on it’s own, trying to fill the voids in my life with accomplishments. In reality, I just want the courage to send my ex a happy birthday text.
These companions have been with me for 3 years, and I think I’m only starting to scratch the surface of how to deal with them.
I hope people are mindful that exercise, therapy and medication can help, but are not miracle drugs, so please don’t judge if someone tries to talk to you today.
Looks like my laundry is done.
Best,
A Normal Person at Yale
Normal People at Yale 